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Posts from the ‘humor’ Category

Two Million Light Years

I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night, so with the grace of someone dumping her purse out onto the table, I’ll just say: here’s some stuff that’s been happening over here.

Scott and I watched the movie Interstellar.  By “watched it” I mean our eyeballs were technically exposed to it.  We had to press play and pause about 235 times on account of the baby.  It’s hard to say if I liked it since I saw it in 118 increments, but I can tell you that it’ll be the last time I watch a movie about outer space with a physicist.  He kept saying things like OH PLEASE. THEIR SPACESHIP HAS NO RADIATION SHIELDING! and IF THAT PLANET REALLY HAD SUPERGRAVITY THEIR LEG BONES WOULD BE SHATTERED.  Then Matthew McConnaughey made it to Saturn in under 20 minutes on half a tank of gas, and words escaped Scott completely.  He just sat there looking like he’d swallowed a bad oyster.

blackberry 1b In related news, going anywhere with Christopher takes two million light years.  First I change his diaper.  Then I feed him and pat him on the back until he burps like he’s just had a Philly cheese steak.  Then I have to catch his hands, which dart about like little fish, and pull them through the sleeves of a sweater.  Then I check the diaper bag to make sure it actually has diapers in it and not–as it did recently–a highlighter, a grocery list, and a handful of Reese’s cups.  When I finally step out the door I’m like Caesar crossing the Rubicon, except I’m wearing slippers and I have toothpaste on my face.

blackberry 4bI have two public service announcements to make.  First, I’d like to remind everyone to brush up on their idioms.  I was at the gas station today when I heard a woman say into her phone “WELL SHE’S NOT EXACTLY A SHRIEKING VIOLET, SHARON.”

Second, do not to try to iron burlap.  I bought a couple yards of it to use as a tragically hip table cloth, but it had wrinkles in it so I ironed it on the steam setting.  Now my house smells like a wet barn.

blackberry 5bEver since I wrote about elf salami, Scott has been coming up with other dishes that he hopes we don’t order by accident.  They include: tuna malts, scab rangoon, leaf bourgignon.  On a related note, a horny seabird would be a stud puffin.

blackberry 6bThat’s about it, stud puffins!  Here’s a recipe for a quick fresh blackberry sauce that I like to put over ice cream and yogurt:

Blackberry sauce for ice cream or yogurt {Download & Print Recipe}
by eggton


12 oz. blackberries

2 Tbsp. sugar (or more, to taste)

2 Tbsp. fresh lemon juice (from about 1/2 lemon)


Whiz half of the blackberries in a blender with the sugar and lemon juice.  Strain through a thin-meshed sieve into a bowl, using a spoon to press all the juice through.  Discard the seeds remaining in the sieve.  Taste and adjust sugar and lemon as you see fit.  Add the remaining whole blackberries, or serve those alongside.


seymour 4.28Thunder 4.30Wishing you a lazy Sunday full of couch naps.